The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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