If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
