my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
