dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
