you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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