i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
