I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
