How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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