Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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