my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
