she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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