I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I didn't shave. On purpose
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
