Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
