I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
