i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
