I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
