fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
