2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
