You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
