First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
