I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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