I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
