38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
