Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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