You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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