We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
