Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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