I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
