No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Houston, we have a blender
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
