i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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