I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
