bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
