He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
