Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
