i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
