Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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