Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
