sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
