sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
