dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
