He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
