Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
