There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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