If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
