Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
