Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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