Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
