if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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