so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
