i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
