dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
