he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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