we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
