it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
